In the Dead of Night...¹

Now who would have the guts to practice like this? Try it and see. When it comes to experiences like this who would dare to go and stay in a charnel ground? If you don't actually do it you don't get the results, you don't really practice. This time I really practiced.

When day broke I felt, ''Oh! I've survived!'' I was so glad, I just wanted to have daytime, no night time at all. I wanted to kill off the night and leave only daylight. I felt so good, I had survived. I thought, ''Oh, there's nothing to it, it's just my own fear, that's all.''

After almsround and eating the meal I felt good, the sunshine came out, making me feel warm and cozy. I had a rest and walked a while. I thought, ''This evening I should have some good, quiet meditation, because I've already been through it all last night. There's probably nothing more to it.''

Then, later in the afternoon, wouldn't you know it? In comes another one, a big one this time³. They brought the corpse in and cremated it right beside my spot, right in front of my glot. This was even worse than last night!

''Well, that's good,'' I thought, ''bringing in this corpse to burn here is going to help my practice.''

But still I wouldn't go and do any rites for them, I waited for them to leave first before taking a look.

Burning that body for me to sit and watch over all night, I can't tell you how it was. Words can't describe it. Nothing I could say could convey the fear I felt. In the dead of night, remember. The fire from the burning corpse flickered red and green and the flames pattered softly. I wanted to do walking meditation in front of the body but could hardly bring myself to do it. Eventually I got into my net. The stench from the burning flesh lingered all through the night.

And this was before things really started to happen.... As the flames flickered softly I turned my back on the fire.

I forgot about sleep, I couldn't even think of it, my eyes were fixed rigid with fear. And there was nobody to turn to, there was only me. I had to rely on myself. I could think of nowhere to go, there was nowhere to run to in that pitch-black night.

''Well, I'll sit and die here. I'm not moving from this spot.''

Here, talking of the ordinary mind, would it want to do this? Would it take you to such a situation? If you tried to reason it out you'd never go. Who would want to do such a thing? If you didn't have strong faith in the teaching of the Buddha you'd never do it.

Now, about 10 p.m., I was sitting with my back to the fire. I don't know what it was, but there came a sound of shuffling from the fire behind me. Had the coffin just collapsed? Or maybe a dog was getting the corpse? But no, it sounded more like a buffalo walking steadily around.

''Oh, never mind....''

But then it started walking towards me, just like a person!

It walked up behind me, the footsteps heavy, like a buffalo's, and yet not... The leaves crunched under the footsteps as it made its way round to the front. Well, I could only prepare for the worst, where else was there to go? But it didn't really come up to me, it just circled around in front and then went off in the direction of the pa-kow. Then all was quiet. I don't know what it was, but my fear made me think of many possibilities.

Footnotes

...¹

Given on a lunar observance night (uposatha), at Wat Pah Pong, in the late 1960s

...glot²

Glot - the Thai forest-dwelling monks' large umbrella from which, suspended from a tree, they hang a mosquito net in which to stay while in the forest.

... time³

The body on the first night had been that of a child.

...viūhi⁴

The last line of the traditional Pāli lines listing the qualities of the Dhamma.

... ordination⁵

Mahānikai and Dhammayuttika are the two sects of the Theravāda Sangha in Thailand.

... handle⁶

A Thai expression meaning, ''Don't overdo it.''

...dhutanga⁷

Thirteen practices allowed by the Buddha over and above the general disciplinary code, for those who wish to practice more ascetically.

... sankhārā....''⁸

Part of a Pāli verse, traditionally recited at funeral ceremonies. The meaning of the full verse if, ''Alas, transient are all compounded things / Having arisen, they cease / Being born, they die / The cessation of all compounding is true happiness.''