Why Are We Here?¹

When people are newly married they can get on together all right, but after age fifty or so they can't understand each other. Whatever the wife says the husband finds intolerable. Whatever the husband says the wife won't listen. They turn their backs on each other.

Now I'm just talking because I've never had a family before. Why haven't I had a family? Just looking at this word ''household²'' I knew what it was all about. What is a ''household''? This is a ''hold'': If somebody were to get some rope and tie us up while we were sitting here, what would that be like? That's called ''being held.'' Whatever that's like, ''being held'' is like that. There is a circle of confinement. The man lives within his circle of confinement, and the woman lives within her circle of confinement.

When I read this word ''household''... this is a heavy one. This word is no trifling matter, it's a real killer. The word ''hold'' is a symbol of suffering. You can't go anywhere, you've got to stay within your circle of confinement.

Now we come to the word ''house.'' This means ''that which hassles.'' Have you ever toasted chilies? The whole house chokes and sneezes. This word ''household'' spells confusion, it's not worth the trouble. Because of this word I was able to ordain and not disrobe. ''Household'' is frightening. You're stuck and can't go anywhere. Problems with the children, with money and all the rest. But where can you go? You're tied down. There are sons and daughters, arguments in profusion until your dying day, and there's nowhere else to go to no matter how much suffering it is. The tears pour out and they keep pouring. The tears will never be finished with this ''household,'' you know. If there's no household you might be able to finish with the tears but not otherwise.

Consider this matter. If you haven't come across it yet you may later on. Some people have experienced it already to a certain extent. Some are already at the end of their tether... ''Will I stay or will I go?'' At Wat Pah Pong there are about seventy or eighty huts (kuti). when they're almost full I tell the monk in charge to keep a few empty, just in case somebody has an argument with their spouse.... Sure enough, in no long time a lady will arrive with her bags... ''I'm fed up with the world, Luang Por.'' ''Whoa! Don't say that. Those words are really heavy.'' Then the husband comes and says he's fed up too. After two or three days in the monastery their world-weariness disappears.

They say they're fed up but they're just fooling themselves. When they go off to a kuti and sit in the quiet by themselves, after a while the thoughts come... ''When's the wife going to come and ask me to go home?'' They don't really know what's going on. What is this ''world-weariness'' of theirs? They get upset over something and come running to the monastery. At home everything looked wrong... the husband was wrong, the wife was wrong... after three days' quiet thinking... ''Hmmm, the wife was right after all, it was I who was wrong.'' ''Hubby was right, I shouldn't have got so upset.'' They change sides. This is how it is, that's why I don't take the world too seriously. I know its ins and outs already, that's why I've chosen to live as a monk.

I would like to present today's talk to all of you for homework. Whether you're in the fields or working in the city, take these words and consider them... ''Why was I born? What can I take with me?'' Ask yourselves over and over. If you ask yourself these questions often you'll become wise. If you don't reflect on these things you will remain ignorant. Listening to today's talk, you may get some understanding, if not now, then maybe when you get home. Perhaps this evening. When you're listening to the talk everything is subdued, but maybe things are waiting for you in the car. When you get in the car it may get in with you. When you get home it may all become clear... ''Oh, that's what Luang Por meant. I couldn't see it before.''

I think that's enough for today. If I talk too long this old body gets tired.

Footnotes

...¹

Given at Wat Tham Saeng Phet (The Monastery of the Diamond Light Cave) to a group of visiting lay people, during the rains retreat of 1981, shortly before Ajahn Chah's health broke down.

...''household²

There is a play on words in the Thai language here based on the word for family - krorp krua - which literally means ''kitchen-frame'' or ''roasting circle.'' In the English translation we have opted for a corresponding English word rather than attempt a literal translation of the Thai.