Our practice is like this. The Buddha said, ''Don't act on desire,
don't speak from desire, don't eat with desire.'' Standing, walking,
sitting or reclining... whatever... don't do it with desire. This
means to do it with detachment. It's just like buying the coconuts
from the market. We're not going to eat the shells but it's not yet
time to throw them away. We keep them first. This is how the practice
is. Concept and transcendence3 are co-existent, just like a coconut. The flesh, the husk and the
shell are all together. When we buy it we buy the whole lot. If somebody
wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells that's their business,
we know what we're doing.
Wisdom is something each of us finds for oneself. To see it we must
go neither fast nor slow. What should we do? Go to where there is
neither fast nor slow. Going fast or going slow are not the way.
But we're all impatient, we're in a hurry. As soon as we begin we
want to rush to the end, we don't want to be left behind. We want
to succeed. When it comes to fixing their minds for meditation some
people go too far.... They light the incense, prostrate and make a
vow, ''As long as this incense is not yet completely burnt I will
not rise from my sitting, even if I collapse or die, no matter what...
I'll die sitting.'' Having made their vow they start their sitting.
As soon as they start to sit Māra's4 hordes come rushing at them from all sides. They've only sat for
an instant and already they think the incense must be finished. They
open their eyes for a peek... ''Oh, there's still ages left!''
They grit their teeth and sit some more, feeling hot, flustered, agitated
and confused... Reaching the breaking point they think, ''It must
be finished by now''.... Have another peek... ''Oh, no! It's not
even half-way yet!''
Two or three times and it's still not finished, so they just give
up, pack it in and sit there hating themselves. ''I'm so stupid,
I'm so hopeless!'' They sit and hate themselves, feeling like a hopeless
case. This just gives rise to frustration and hindrances. This is
called the hindrance of ill-will. They can't blame others so they
blame themselves. And why is this? It's all because of wanting.
Actually it isn't necessary to go through all that. To concentrate
means to concentrate with detachment, not to concentrate yourself
into knots. But maybe we read the scriptures, about the life of the
Buddha, how he sat under the Bodhi tree and determined to himself,
''As long as I have still not attained Supreme Enlightenment I
will not rise from this place, even if my blood dries up.''
Reading this in the books you may think of trying it yourself. You'll
do it like the Buddha. But you haven't considered that your car is
only a small one. The Buddha's car was a really big one, he could
take it all in one go. With only your tiny, little car, how can you
possibly take it all at once? It's a different story altogether.
Why do we think like that? Because we're too extreme. Sometimes we
go too low, sometimes we go too high. The point of balance is so hard
to find.
Now I'm only speaking from experience. In the past my practice was
like this. Practicing in order to get beyond wanting... if we don't
want, can we practice? I was stuck here. But to practice with wanting
is suffering. I didn't know what to do, I was baffled. Then I realized
that the practice which is steady is the important thing. One must
practice consistently. They call this the practice that is ''consistent
in all postures.'' Keep refining the practice, don't let it become
a disaster. Practice is one thing, disaster is another5. Most people usually create disaster. When they feel lazy they don't
bother to practice, they only practice when they feel energetic. This
is how I tended to be.
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